Every Single Month

3 years old today! I’m a torn father. I’m celebrating your growth and learning to embrace a new stage of emotions, thoughts and memories. At the same time, I long for the days when you were little and both of you fit in my arms. You two are my joy! My loves!

36 months ago you barely hit three pounds, the incubators prevented me from holding you, and your breathing was labored. Your mom and I had a wide range of emotions as we rejoiced over your entrance into this world, but at the same time we were filled with worry because the wires, beeps, and doctors running amok left us confused at what was going on. When we finally gained access to see you I remember vividly the bloody gauze on your right hands. I immediately choked up and wished I was the one being poked and prodded. Those 30+ days in the N.I.C.U still sit in my heart, and will probably never leave.

I love you. A whole lot. I’m in awe at how smart you are. How beautiful you are. Your dad loves you, loves you, loves you. I’d do anything for you. Also, your mom is beautiful. Happy birthday girls.

—DADDY-O—